萌茶屋@诺亚方舟探索版

Here is the link to the previous article: A Love Letter to Japanese. If you are a newcomer, you can click to see how confidently (shamelessly) I wrote that content, and now I feel like I have slapped myself in the face.

Additionally, let me explain my situation: I passed N2 in July 2019 with a score of 119; I passed N1 in December 2020 with a score of 154.

However, unlike last time, this time I did not feel the joy of passing the N1 exam; instead, I felt more regret for my lack of ability and my insufficient effort.

Now, let’s have a fancy dividing line and officially start the content of this article.

Continuing from where I left off, after taking N2 in July 2019, I chose not to continue registering for N1 after much hesitation, thinking that regardless of the outcome, I would wait for the exam in July the following year (2020). The result was somewhat different from what I expected, but I still passed the exam. However, what I never expected was that in 2020, due to a global disaster, the July exam was canceled worldwide, which disrupted my plans.

From the day I took N2 in July 2019, I registered for a speaking course at an institution. Of course, this was not a sudden decision; I mentioned it in the previous article, so I won’t elaborate here. The reason I bring this up is that I have now completed all the courses. Due to the high cost, I chose not to continue registering, but I feel that this course has been immensely helpful for me. This is also inseparable from the academic supervisor at that institution. Although it is her job to encourage others to spend money on courses, she feels more like a motivator to me, and I really like her.

This is also why, even though I am no longer her student, I still went to report my results to her. During our conversation, I was moved by her words; please allow me to quote part of our chat:

"One day is my person, a lifetime is my person. Speaking is enough as long as you can use it, because even if you learn here, what we can teach you is limited. In the end, we will still encourage you to practice more outside, not just to talk with the teacher, but to truly immerse yourself in that environment."

Here, I actually said some things after reporting my results, and she praised me as her most considerate student. I jokingly said that since I am no longer taking classes, I probably can’t be considered her student anymore, and that was her reply.

I really want to advertise for this institution, but I cannot forget the original intention of this site, and even if I do advertise, I won’t receive any advertising fees. However, I still want to do it because I am really very grateful to her:

"I really want to thank you for brainwashing me into signing up for this course... It really helped not only with speaking but also with exam preparation."

As mentioned in the chat record above, looking back, it seems I signed up for this course in a semi-brainwashed state, but I have no regrets now; it was really good.

If it weren’t for this academic supervisor's brainwashing at that time, I definitely wouldn’t have had these experiences. If I hadn’t had these experiences, I would most likely have chosen a different life path. It is precisely because of the setbacks and joys I experienced in the speaking course that I was able to recognize how inadequate I truly am.

All along, the Japanese learning community has been divided into several levels. As someone who has gradually climbed up, I believe I have a little bit of the right to summarize a bit:

• Just remembering hiragana, stopping to read any Japanese you see outside, realizing that you seem to recognize many Japanese characters.
• After memorizing hiragana, slightly remembering some katakana, finding foreign words very interesting, although you can’t remember many, you firmly believe that one day you will be able to read these foreign words fluently.
• Setting your phone system to Japanese, installing a Japanese input method...
• Learning some simple conversations and grammar, especially the sentence structure "… は… です，" and using it repeatedly.
• Learning more grammar and feeling like you have learned Japanese, starting to try and actively engage with more Japanese content.
• Realizing that your learning progress has become exceptionally slow, feeling that you may not be suited for learning Japanese. At this stage, a watershed moment occurs:
  • Giving up learning Japanese and self-medicating, believing that your Japanese level is already very high, able to understand many lines and dialogues.
  • Overcoming this bottleneck and striving to learn with all your might.
• Preparing for the exam:
  • Feeling that the exam fee is expensive, so even if you want to give up, you can’t, studying painfully while learning.
  • Having a clear goal of passing the exam, overcoming all difficulties, and working hard to prepare.
• Receiving the exam pass certificate, feeling confident, thinking that you are already very impressive, and that those above you are all in Japan with years of experience, so it is only natural that you cannot defeat them. You start to become arrogant.
• After a while, you realize that you may not be that strong; you seem unable to fully understand articles that correspond to your level, and you start to doubt yourself.

Of course, the levels mentioned above are not necessarily experienced by all Japanese learners; they are merely abstracted from my own experiences. After passing N2, I found that not only did I give up continuing to learn Japanese, but I also thought that my level was very high. I began to read Japanese books, news, and other lengthy texts, but I couldn’t understand them, which made me very distressed. It felt as if the world line had changed; clearly, I had such a "high level" ability, yet I still couldn’t understand. This made me very uncomfortable, even leading to a sense of frustration and trauma, to the extent that using the term PTSD to describe it wouldn’t be an exaggeration. However, even so, I still arrogantly believed that I should be able to fully understand these contents. Therefore, even when encountering unfamiliar words while reading, I wouldn’t look them up but would merely guess their meanings based on context, and I wouldn’t check afterward.

In summary, I was trying to create an illusion for others that I was already very proficient in Japanese and deceiving myself into thinking there was no need to continue learning.

So, when considering whether to take N1 in July 2020, my inner self was resistant. First, I felt that N2 was sufficient, and there was no need to take N1. Second, I heard that N1 was very difficult and consisted of things that wouldn’t be used, so it seemed meaningless. However, at that time, I felt that it would be somewhat bad to do nothing, so I casually told those around me that I was preparing to take the N1 exam in July, pretending to study for it. However, while my study progress might deceive others, it could not deceive myself; my extraordinarily slow progress seemed to indicate that I was completely unable to catch up for the exam. So, when the registration notice was delayed due to the pandemic, I kept praying inside, hoping that China would cancel this exam, so that I wouldn’t be unable to take the exam due to my own reasons, completely avoiding responsibility. But time passed, and I could not catch up with the progress no matter what. This outcome was very good for me (although I know I am very selfish).

On May 21, the Ministry of Education finally announced the cancellation of the July exam in mainland China. To be honest, I was completely relieved. Because I didn’t have to face the consequences I had buried for myself, it was truly a very cunning thought.

This way, I had ample time to prepare for the N1 exam in December, so I thought that since I had received this hard-won opportunity, I must make good use of it. Therefore, during the holiday, I began to diligently memorize vocabulary and grammar based on previous exam experiences, quickly advancing my study progress, learning from the lessons of the N2 exam. My learning goals were not limited to textbooks; I also engaged with materials such as NHK broadcasts, Japanese dramas, news, and books. I also watched videos from "Nihongo no Mori" on YouTube and live teaching sessions for the N1 exam.

In the early stages of learning, I only had a level just below N2 (as for why it was just below, it was because I didn’t score full marks, meaning there was a certain gap, and coupled with such a long time without studying, my ability had regressed to a certain extent). So, it was quite laborious, and I had to nibble away at the textbook bit by bit while memorizing N1 vocabulary. After studying, I found that my vocabulary and grammar skills were indeed relatively weak, similar to the problems exposed during the N2 exam. Therefore, this time I decided to focus on tackling this large area (it sounds like I’m playing a galgame, haha). Of course, while writing these words, it may seem that this process was easy, but upon serious reflection, I still felt very tired even while advancing through the textbook content, and it took a considerable amount of time.

Moreover, during this preparation, I entered my senior year of college, during which I needed to attend three weeks of classes at school and then go to an enterprise for an internship. I wasn’t worried about class time because I could have ample time to prepare for the exam, but once I got to the enterprise, I didn’t have as much time to study. So, I had to make the most of the time before that to push forward.

Before the internship, I had nearly completed 7/8 of the progress, and the remaining 1/8 could only be studied during breaks and after returning home at night. However, the reality was that the internship at the enterprise didn’t seem that busy, and I could still carve out some time to complete my study tasks. So, I seized every moment at the enterprise to study, experiencing for the first time the hardships of those who were already working while preparing for exams in the study group. Although I wasn’t very busy, I still felt exhausted every day, and I truly admired those working professionals who were seriously preparing for exams.

Then, every morning during my commute, I initially chose the train because it was shorter, taking about 40 minutes, during which I would read on my Kindle. As for the content, most of the time it was Chinese novels, and there were also some Japanese novels from Kakuyomu. Later, I realized that it would have been better to use this time to study Japanese, but the train compartments were often crowded, and it was inconvenient to read either a book or an iPad without a place to sit, plus there were two transfers along the way. So, I later chose to take the bus. First, there was no need to transfer; second, the bus was usually less crowded, and there was generally a seat available, plus it was cheaper. However, the downside was that it took longer, but I could solve this problem by leaving home a bit earlier. So, during this time, I would sit on the bus every morning, holding my iPad, studying grammar books, diligently memorizing while doing corresponding exercises. Although in that short hour or so I couldn’t memorize too much content, I could ensure that I remembered most of what I studied. Accumulating over time, I actually managed to memorize the content of an entire book about half a month before the exam, which made me very happy.

After studying this content, it was time to do practice tests. The practice tests I bought in January 2020 were finally put to use in November [covering face.jpg].

So, I maintained a practice speed of 4-5 sets per week and finally completed all the practice tests the day before the exam. After doing these questions, I would give myself a score. Here are my scores from all the practice tests from July 2013 to July 2019:

Although this exam was within the range of my usual scores, I still yearned to achieve my best score. Since I usually don’t check my answers, and this time I had plenty of time left, I carefully reviewed my answers, thinking I could exceed 160... but I still didn’t achieve it.

During this last period, I participated in the institution's exam sprint activities and continued to watch the live N1 exam sessions from Nihongo no Mori every Friday. Although I watched with the feeling that it wouldn’t be very useful, I found that there were still many knowledge points I didn’t understand, which left some impressions in my mind. I also watched various non-exam-related Japanese materials. Unexpectedly, all this content played its role in this N1 exam.

For some reason, I felt that this exam was exceptionally easy; it really felt that way. When I came out of the exam room, I heard others say that there were at least two original questions on the exam, and when the person next to me said there were at least three, I laughed. The reason was that I had marked at least ten original questions during the exam, and of course, these original questions were questions or sentences I had learned from various sources.

After the exam, I read the book "The Little Prince," and I found that although it was written in simple Japanese for children to read, I still only understood it to a certain extent without a translation.

Time came to January 25, the day the results were announced. Actually, before this, the Japanese website had already announced the specific query time, but the mainland side had not announced when the results could be checked. Following various recommendations in different groups, I checked my results promptly at 9, 10, and 11 o'clock. It was only at 11 o'clock that I was able to check my results.

With such determination, I thought I should score above 160, and maybe even get a perfect score. However, upon checking the results, I was filled with disappointment. Although I did pass the exam, looking at the scores and the process, seeing so many people in the study group with higher total scores than mine, many of whom had perfect scores in one or two subjects, I felt extremely disappointed in myself. I also regretted it. Below is an excerpt from the diary I wrote that day:

"Today is the day the N1 results come out... As expected, I passed... 154. It’s about the same as my usual practice results. I thought this score was really good, but then... hhh... there are several people in the study group with perfect scores in two subjects, and their total scores are higher than mine. It seems I really don’t have any impressive results to show, even my strongest Japanese has been rubbed into the ground by others."

I was really a bit disappointed in myself because even after passing N1, I found that I still couldn’t reach the standards I desired. I still couldn’t understand many words when listening to the news, and I still encountered unfamiliar usages when reading books.

In fact, isn’t this result also a sign of not working hard enough? Although I always thought I was working hard enough... But isn’t effort something that everyone does? Everyone is working hard.

Moreover, the more obvious things are, the harder it is to persist. I seem to have failed to realize this and have been self-pitying every day, which is really a bit excessive.

At this moment, I recalled a saying from Reishu: "Japanese, passing N1 is just the beginning."

At that time, having just passed N2 and feeling omnipotent, I couldn’t understand the meaning of this sentence. Now looking back, the confidence I had then is now painfully evident. This lesson has truly been enough, and I completely believe this saying now.

This is also why this article is titled "Nice to meet you, Japanese." One should maintain a sense of freshness as if just meeting, and earnestly study this language.

In the future, I will study this language more humbly and will seriously practice reading and reciting.

Finally, I would like to end this article with a quote from my academic supervisor:

"People have circles; only when you stand a little higher can you see a little more. The more you learn from more people, the more humble you become; conversely... you understand."

I am very sorry; I originally wanted to write a very long article, but it seems I couldn’t produce much, so I can only wrap it up like this. Thank you very much for reading!